Blog 003: Do You Understand?
P-P-P-Pleeeaasse. When I was a kid, I had a major stuttering problem. I have vivid memories of going to restaurants with my mom and not being able to order food because I couldn’t say my order. Oftentimes, I wouldn’t talk because I knew I wouldn’t be able to finish a complete sentence. Looking back, I think this shaped my personality in a lot of ways. I became quiet and shy because I didn’t want it to happen in front of others. If I observed my surroundings well enough, I wouldn’t have to ask questions. I could avoid embarrassment by being independent. But this didn’t work all the time. Sometimes, I gave up trying to say anything. “C-C-C-Could w-w-we gooooooo to the p-p-p...”, I said as veins popped out of my neck. Noticing my struggle, my mom would quietly interject, “park?”. A simple nod would suffice. Lovingly, my mom would try her best to complete my sentences if she knew I was having a rough day. Very patiently, she would say, “It’s okay. Deep breath. Take as long as you need”. Even as I am writing this, I can feel all of the frustration little Christian used to feel. You know when you’re so mad that you just cry? This was pretty normal. And seeing those emotions in my countenance, my mom would just take a moment to be there with me. “It’s okay son. Let’s try it one more time.” Thank you, mom. You were so kind and I am forever grateful for those moments.
In my adolescence, a passion for thinking deeply and analytically grew inside of me. Philosophy, mathematics, physics, and sports analysis oozed into my discussions with friends. I couldn’t help it. I was enamored by the world and I wanted to take it apart piece by piece, understanding why we lived here and how it all worked. I loved asking “why”. It was one of the only words I could say without stuttering. As I began exploring these worlds of knowledge, I constantly found walls in conversations. “So, you mean…”, someone would say. “No, not quite. It is kind of like…”, I would reply. A simple nod or gesture would not suffice in intellectual arenas. I needed to use my words and say what I really meant. At the time, I felt that I didn’t possess enough knowledge to communicate what it was I had in mind, but now I’ve come to realize that I was just a poor communicator.
You see, in my family, we used phrases like, “That’s the thing” when we found a phrase in someone else’s argument that was corollary to the problem we were discussing. Or when we vented, maybe we would say, “But for me…” as we were comparing and contrasting the situation, but this phrase was actually a cry for help telling the other that we were feeling something overwhelming. When I came to college, I realized that I couldn’t say what I was feeling very well because I never knew how to properly communicate my emotions. I also didn’t know how to express to others what I was thinking because I never learned how to speak analytically. Instead of saying P+Q=R, I would say, “Ya know this idea, F? Well, I think F is related to this idea that I have, P. And you know this idea, G? Well, I think G is like Q in these ways. And so, if we had the qualities of F and the qualities of G, I think we might get P+Q=R. Confusing, right? I would describe my ideas, P and Q, by telling someone about the attributes that P and Q had in common with F and G, but I would never properly name P and Q. Oftentimes, I used pseudo analogies, but they were pseudo because they never correlated properly to the other ideas. I’d be left with using analogies that never worked because my ideas were categorically different. I could only hope that by describing things that were similar to P and Q, my family would then understand what I was talking about and arrive at the conclusion, R. I still find myself doing this from time to time. So, what was the problem?
Analogies are useful when we are describing really complicated ideas, but they should be used sparingly when something can be described simply. This can be said with all figurative language. Poetry, for that matter, is used when something so beautiful needs description, but mere analytical words do not hold the proper value to describe the scene. Some call this art. We often need a larger vocabulary to communicate effectively. When you are mad at someone and want to insult their food, do not go off on a long monologue. Simply tell them their food was insipid and walk off. You could probably insult someone’s choice of clothing with that word too. The word insipid carries layers, and its usage is so rare that its meaning carries more weight when used. Instead of saying, “You know when you're daydreaming and you think about times as a kid and wish it were that simple?”, you could say, “I’m feeling nostalgic and overwhelmed. Frankly, I’m also a little lonely.” Conversations are a joy when we communicate properly.
Language is fascinating. In short, there are frequencies that oscillate up and down corresponding to various sounds which vibrate through our ears and illuminate ideas in the brain. And if one can’t hear, it’s possible to see innumerable squiggly lines on a page and make sense of them, like you’re doing write now. Sorry, right now. You know what I mean. Ahhh, communicating meaning through ideas is the great feat of language. Lewis put it best in Till We Have Faces. Fox is friends with the main character Orual, and he says, “Child, to say the very thing you really mean, the whole of it, nothing more or less or other than what you really mean; that's the whole art and joy of words.” This, this is it! The endless joy of words and the reason why people write books and go through countless peer reviews is so we can communicate properly and effectively. When I first read this line, that was all I could think about that whole week. And eventually, I made that my goal for the foreseeable future. I wanted to be the best communicator I could be. I felt the agony of not being able to do that when I stuttered, but I also felt the joy of precise communication when I finally spoke. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve felt the pain of being a verbal processor, not being able to convey my emotions, and just feeling like my heart was missed in a conversation, only later being able to rightly say what I wanted to. Not only does proper communication ensure less pain, but it brings more joy to others. Have you ever wanted to comfort someone but couldn’t find the right words or you wanted to tell someone you loved them and words couldn’t express it? Whether your heart was oozing so much that the English language didn’t actually have any words for your love, or you’re overly dramatic and have the vocabulary of a fifth grader, you get my point.
This past year, I’ve begun reading books from Paradise Lost and Thus Spoke Zarathustra to Knowing God, War and Peace, and Miracles. I wanted to immerse myself in works that have stood the test of time because these books spoke to people. I wanted to sit under the finest communicators and let them teach me how to speak and write. I’m sure they experienced immense joy while writing too. I also took a class on the philosophy of ethics and a class on the Hebrew Bible. I was forced to write papers for both and remember receiving my papers back with red marks: “these paragraphs are disconnected”, “illogical fallacy”, “needs more descriptions”, “citations do not relate to thesis”. Though these struck my pride, the constructive criticism was very helpful. Now, writing is not only a way to convey my thoughts, but it’s also a way for me to process my life. If I write something and it doesn’t make sense, then the way I’m processing my emotions probably isn’t working and I’m focusing on less important things. Or if something that deserves grieving happens in my life, I’ll spin in circles if I don’t write. Writing is how I keep myself accountable. Lastly, this was one of the main reasons I started this blog. If I read my own thoughts and they are non sequitur, I’m probably just wasting my time thinking about nonsensical things. I don’t want to waste my time and I don’t want to waste yours. Each moment of life is like a grain of sand in an hourglass, and those grains of sand continue to fall. However, our reality is that we’ll never be able to turn the hour glass upside down. Your time is fixed and so is mine.
Do you understand?
Cascades of words flow from Tongue
Sometimes the interjections parachute down
Each word carries a secret backpack
Able to untie only if landed correctly
Some words struggle to open their packs
They cry for help but their friends are far gone
The sea which they now float ebbs and flows
There direction is arbitrarily, they lost their meaning
Landing correctly, some fit themselves like puzzle pieces
Tears fall for they notice the missing
Tempted to disband, they hold each other tighter
Maybe someone will understand
The sea cares not
It only serves as the bridge
It's held languages a float and seen them disappear
Who's next?
Food
Shakshuka by Alex from YouTube
Music
Short and Sweet - Bon Iver remix by Brittany Howard, Bon Iver
Podcast
Khan Academy: Sal Khan by How I Built This with Guy Raz
“A fool does not delight in understanding, but only in airing his opinions.”
